President Trump has set his sights on a new wall. After a successful meeting with Prime Minister Trudeau, many we’re optimistic. Despite political upheaval on the American front, the status-quo remained. Relations have been as friendly as Torontonian cop named Drake. Things took a turn for the worse, once again because the internet.
Insiders have detailed an encounter that occurred. Hugging his daughter goodnight, the presidents hand brushed against her rumpus. Secret Security is said to have rolled their eyes, and muttered “again.”Flustered, Ivanka Trump dropped her cellphone revealing a photo of Justin Trudeau. The president is reported to have almost turned orange-red.
At the oval office Trump creeped his hotter counterpart. Despite having more followers, the president is said to have been “totally bummed” by what he saw. Justin was getting Obama levels of love online. In addition, Trudeau managed to have sex with Ivanka without making her an intern.
Scrounging the Muslim Ban 2.0 from his office waste bin, Trump realized he had a Google Doc. In this new bill, Canadian’s entering the US are barred from possessing a chubby. Half erections, otherwise known as softwood have also been included. Border agents have been instructed to take their pat downs to Donald levels. One man was searched so thoroughly he ejaculated.
Agents immediately arrested the man for contraband. The Maple Leafs Ban prohibits creamy substances carried by men. Any milky goodness brought to the border must be expelled or drank during searching. Already the swallow clause has been heavily enforced. Estimates say Canadians have already taken 563,424 cc of their own jizz to the face.
Press secretary Sean Spicer claimed the purpose of the bill was to protect American eggs. Which sounds as creepy as it is. Some Canadian men wishing to enter stateside with erections have turned to masquerading as transgenders. US Customs has said those caught using the ploy, will be “canceled” faster than Caitlyn Jenner.